Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
