You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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