I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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