I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
