Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do herpes really smell.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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