I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
