I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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