He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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