Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
