My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
