Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Boobs are out for the taking
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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