Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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