Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
