That's intense
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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