everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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