His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
