Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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