I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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