Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Banned from zoo.
Again?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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