Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
