so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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