if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nutella sex= disaster
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
