ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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