someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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