omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
