I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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