Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
