You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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