I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
