quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
