oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
