I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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