my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
