it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
