Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize