paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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