New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
