and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
