How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
