youre lurking in front of me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
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