He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
