i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
