you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
