I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
