I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
