I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
