She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
