thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
