Where is the hickey?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
