you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
