Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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