I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
