True but thats because hes a fetus.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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