If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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