JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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