I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
