I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
