I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
