I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
