Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Two words: nipple clamps
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