Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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