Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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