he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
