I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
