Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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