Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
