My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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