He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
