oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
