so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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