What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
