I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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