Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I smell stomach acid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
