I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
