I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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