you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
