good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
